David Cameron has attempted to put the first major embarrassment of his coalition behind him with a pledge to rip off the “cloak of secrecy” and put on the “cardigan and matching slippers of trust” in their place.
As part of his vow to increase transparency, the Prime Minister has also promised to remove all other garments that may have had a negative impact on his new government’s transparency.
May 31 2010 | Posted in
Politics |
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England’s World Cup hopes were last night struck a devastating blow after Aston Villa forward Emile Heskey declared himself fully fit and ready for the tournament.
With two weeks until the World Cup kicks off in South Africa, England manager Fabio Capello explained that he had been hoping to do without the lumbering striker:
“I’ll level with you,” Capello said at England’s Austriab training base yesterday, “I’ve got absolutely no idea what he’s doing here.
May 28 2010 | Posted in
Sport,
World Cup |
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The governing body of cricket in England has claimed that match fixing could be rife in county cricket as part of a desperate attempt to make it appear even slightly interesting, it has been reported.
The ECB, concerned about losing valuable summer column inches to the World Cup, darts and 100m field ploughing finals in Dorset, decided to make the announcement, despite the fact that no match fixing had actually taken place.
May 27 2010 | Posted in
Sport |
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Men everywhere are celebrating the news that Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole has filed for divorce from her husband, Chelsea and England chav Ashley Cole.
The X Factor judge’s PR firm confirmed she was seeking a permanent split from her husband after almost four years of marriage, citing Mr Cole’s ‘unreasonably chavvy behaviour’ as the cause of the break-up.
May 26 2010 | Posted in
News |
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Young people are more lonely and considerably more anti-social than those who are past retirement age, according to the findings of a new survey.
The research suggests that as many as one in ten British people today prefer shutting themselves away and listening to frightening music that is altogether much too loud, instead of doing nice things, like taking a walk in the country or spending time in the local library.
May 25 2010 | Posted in
News |
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Corrupt businessmen all over the UK are claiming that tabloid sting operations, similar to that which caught out the Duchess of York last week, are giving them a bad name, claim reports.
The Duchess was filmed by The News of the World apparently offering to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for £500,000 in the latest in a growing number of stings designed to expose corruption by British tabloid newspapers.
However, shady British businessmen are now claiming that their image has been tarnished by the exposes, and are calling for action
May 24 2010 | Posted in
News |
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The Labour leadership race is to be decided by a series of X-Factor style auditions, according to sources within the party.
The contest will feature all of the leadership contenders, including Ed and David Milliband, Ed Balls, Andy Burnham, John McDonnell and Diane Abbott, all of whom will be showcasing their vocal talents through a selection of music from a variety of genres.
Scientists responsible for creating the world’s first synthetic life form have denied claims that their experiments have, in fact, succeeded only in recreating Zippy from 1980s children’s TV programme, Rainbow.
The landmark experiments were twelve years in the making, and could pave the way for designer organisms which could revolutionise medical practice.
However, critics, including the cast of Rainbow, have condemned the work, claiming that inital images of the organisms suggest that they have stumbled upon the formula for recreating Zippy.
