Spooks, ghosts and ghouls the length and breadth of the country have announced industrial strike action as part of a dispute which has thrown the weekend’s Halloween celebrations into turmoil, it has been announced.
The 24 hour strike, which will begin at midnight tomorrow will see all paranormal entities in England, Scotland and Wales down tools as part of a nationwide protest against cuts to public spending for the undead.
Oct 29 2010 | Posted in
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Opinion from The Oracle Speaks
by Marilyn Mead, from New York City
For years now, U.S. bank customers have enjoyed the liberty to pull up to the neighborhood drive-thru ATM and withdrawal hundreds of dollars in the time it takes to order a Happy Meal. And what could be better than having the freedom to retrieve cash from one’s bank account without having to exit an automobile, or even be wearing pants? It’s a tradition which has become as American as the trailer park itself (as has the notion of not wearing any pants, it must be said).
Over the years, however, a growing number of patrons, none of whom appear to be particularly sharp, have pointed out a startling ATM phenomenon in cities ranging from Dallas, Texas to Boston, Massachusetts…
by Marilyn Mead – A Concerned Citizen
A sign posted in my Manhattan neighbourhood, on the corner of 24th street and 8th Avenue, to be exact, reads:
“On the morning of 10/12/10 did you see the thief who stole Mary’s cat ‘Snap’ from in front of the Laundromat. If you were a witness to this crime Please, Please let Mary know personally. Thank you. ‘Reward’ for his return. (Sole Owner). He is an unaltered black male cat w/gold eyes & 2 collars 1 red, 1 black w/a silver cross. He knows sign language. Reward for info. About Him Or Crime.”
This is an actual, real-life sign. I’ve written out the message as it appears on the sign word for word. And as a concerned citizen, I cannot help but think – Mary’s cat knows SIGN LANGUAGE? This is AMAZING.
TV chefs Delia Smith and Gordon Ramsay yesterday became embroiled in a heated dispute after disagreeing over the most delicious way to put Paul the Octopus to rest, it has been revealed.
Paul, who shot to fame predicting the results of World Cup football matches in South Africa this summer, passed away peacefully in his tank at the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany yesterday, leaving experts uncertain as to what to do with his remains.
Oct 27 2010 | Posted in
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David Cameron has told the CBI’s annual conference that the government will blow all of its remaining public sector cash on sweets and toys, it has been revealed.
The Prime Minister insisted that more than £200m will be spent on ensuring that ministers have ‘as many sweets as they can eat’ as well as some ‘wicked’ toys to play with in the run-up to Christmas.
Oct 26 2010 | Posted in
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Politics |
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British rapper Professor Green has come under fire after reports in the weekend newspapers that he is not, in fact, a real professor.
The News of the World broke the story yesterday as part of an exclusive which claimed that not only has Professor Green not undergone further education of any sort, but that his real name is Stephen Mandersen.
Oct 25 2010 | Posted in
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Opinion from The Oracle Speaks
What is it with the Premier League? If they’re not busy hyping up titanic, thrilling encounters like Blackpool v Stoke as the biggest game in the history of the universe, they are spending their time travelling off to far-flung locations to milk every last penny from their cash-cow by trying to get teams to play an extra game. It’s fast becoming an absolute circus, with Richard Scudamore revelling in his role as head clown.
Why don’t they just put all their eggs in one basket, and make the inevitable, long-awaited decision to turn it into the reality TV show they all so desperately want it to become?
Here’s how it could work.
BREAKING NEWS……
The Royal Navy has responded to criticism of its nuclear attack submarines, by admitting that the latest models are, in fact, powered by steam.
Speaking to the press after HMS Astute ran aground off Skye, a spokesperson for the Ministry of Defence (MoD) insisted: “Okay, you’ve got us. We don’t actually have any nuclear attack submarines, as we thought that powering it by steam would be a lot cheaper, and easier for everyone.
Oct 22 2010 | Posted in
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