The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 22. How to celebrate the Royal Wedding Mock up a miniature version of Westminster Abbey in your back garden, and use it to re-enact the entire ceremony, with your dog as Prince William, and your cat as Kate Middleton. Pleasantly surprise your neighbours by painting their entire [...]
Electronics manufacturer Apple looks set to take legal action against the creators of every tablet ever made, as part of an ongoing battle to protect its market share, it has been revealed. Apple, whose iPad and iPad 2 devices are market leaders in the burgeoning tablet market, has already become embroiled in a legal battle [...]
Every woman who has ever slept with BBC presenter Andrew Marr has applied for a super-injunction to suppress details of their respective relationships with the journalist, it has been revealed. Mr Marr, who hosts a Sunday politics show on BBC One, told the Daily Mail yesterday that he had himself taken out a super-injunction a [...]
Each week, The Oracle Speaks receives thousands of e-mails from readers looking for an answer to their deepest, darkest, stomach-wrenching problems. Rather than go to the expense and effort of hiring a real-life agony aunt, who actually knows what she’s talking about, we’ve decided to throw these problems open to everyday members of the public [...]
Millions of people around the world are spending the day apparently celebrating the inaugural winner of talent contest The Cross Factor, some 2000 years after it was first broadcast, experts have revealed. Although the origin of today’s Bank Holiday is unknown, experts have theorised that it is held to commemorate Jesus of Nazareth winning the [...]
Apple’s iPhone keeps track of every single tedious, mundane place you visit, security researchers have revealed. Experts have found that the device saves every detail of your crushingly dull existence to a secret file which nobody in their right mind would ever think of looking at. “Apple has made it possible for anyone at all [...]
Predicted temperatures of up to 25 degrees celcius across the country have prompted every single person in Britain to unconvincingly phone up work and claim that they are ill, it has been revealed. Experts claim that a lack of cloud cover aided by a warm continental breeze has had one of two effects on the [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 21. How to kill time at work before the Bank Holiday weekend Memorise large sections of the telephone directory. You never know when it will come in handy. Erect a large digital display at your place of work, counting down to home time on Thursday evening. Loudly [...]