Thousands of people have been injured after the traditional ‘pinch and a punch on the first of the month’ escalated into full-scale riots across the country earlier this morning. Originating from old times when people thought that witches existed, the pinch and punch on the first of the month was aimed at banishing them and [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 32. How to prepare for London 2012 Concerned that you’ll be crushed by visiting tourists on public transport during the games? Sewing a series of poisonous spikes onto your jacket should provide you with ample space on the bus and train at all times. Put a lilo [...]
by Andy Bairsto Harry Potter mega-star Daniel Radcliffe has unveiled his latest project – a revival of early 90’s BBC soap failure Eldorado. The multi-millionaire one-trick pony actor plans to produce, direct, star in and write the theme tune for what he has described as a ‘new era for the much maligned soap opera’. Radcliffe, [...]
Celebrations reached fever pitch on Wednesday after the nation came together to mark a year until it experiences abject failure on and off the track at the 2012 Olympic Games. Among the highlights of the day’s festivities was the sight of Tom Daley not quite diving well enough to get a medal at the newly-completed [...]
The makers of the Fifa-endorsed football video game, Fifa 12, have confirmed that the latest release of the game will include a ‘corruption mode’, which will allow players to play the game as a corrupt Fifa official. Fifa 12 is due for release this September on the XBox 360, PC and Playstation 3, with new [...]
Each week, The Oracle Speaks receives thousands of e-mails from readers looking for an answer to their deepest, darkest, stomach-wrenching problems. Rather than go to the expense and effort of hiring a real-life agony aunt who actually knows what she’s talking about, we’ve decided to throw these problems open to everyday members of the public [...]
Satirists have blamed the lack of any funny news over the past few days for the standard of topical, off-beat, humorous takes on current affairs, this morning. After three days of depressing news which has seen a massacre in Norway and the death of singer Amy Winehouse, satirists have admitted that finding something funny to [...]
An American blogger has discovered a fake Chinese restaurant operating in Cupertino, California, it has been revealed. The news comes only hours after three fake Apple stores were located in China, with the BirdAtHome blog claiming that the pictures of the restaurant, its staff and a description of meals eaten at it were posted on, [...]