Chancellor George Osborne has warned that Britain’s economic woes look set to drag on longer than an extended episode of Strictly Come Dancing. In his autumnal budget statement, Mr Osborne admitted that official growth forecasts for the economy had been slashed, and used the Saturday night prime time dancing show as a prime example of [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 43. How to go on strike DO stand outside your place of work with placards and protest loudly. DON’T turn up to work, put in a full day’s shift and wonder where everybody else was. Not in a union? Recreate the magic of strike action by standing [...]
A new survey naming British women as the most overweight in Europe has dropped men all over the country right in it, it has been revealed. The study, conducted on behalf of the European Commission, found that nearly a quarter of women (23.9 per cent) in the UK were obese, despite the fact that their [...]
Men everywhere are admitting that the embarrassing patch of bum-fluff they have grown immediately under their nose in aid of Movember is now really starting to itch, sources have revealed. The ‘moustaches’, grown by men in aid of the prostate and testicular cancer charity, and which can only be made out by others from a [...]
Actor Hugh Grant has shocked the nation by delivering his first ever convincing performance at the Leveson Inquiry into media standards yesterday. The 51 year-old actor, famous for roles as a muddled upper class Englishman in films such as Notting Hill and Four Weddings and a Funeral, earned his first rave reviews ever after he [...]
Average-height men are responsible for siring the most children, a study commissioned by a group of average-height men has claimed. Traditionally, women are said to be more attracted to tall men as their partner of choice. However, the study, which was coincidentally published by a group of men who had an average height of 5ft [...]
Fifa president Sepp Blatter has apologised for a ‘misunderstanding’ in which he confused the thorny subject of racism in football with the Tooth Fairy. In an interview earlier this week Mr Blatter denied that there was any racism in the sport, a sentiment he was quick to deny in a statement on Fifa’s website yesterday. [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 42. How to make a Christmas television advert Make sure you make your ad as early as possible in the year so that it is ready to air in July, alongside all the other Christmas campaigns. Ignore the fact that, in this country, at least, it never, [...]