With less than 48 hours to go until Christmas Day, Britain has insisted that it expects to make a start on its Christmas shopping ‘any day now’. After refusing to get caught up in what they call ‘the Christmas madness’, the British people have instead been sitting at home with their feet up, watching the [...]
Chelsea and England captain John Terry will take his unique brand of slow, ponderous defence from the football pitch to the courtroom in the new year after the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decided to prosecute the footballer. Terry, 31, will face charges over allegations that he racially abused another player and will appear in court [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 45. How to have a happy Christmas Avoid severe food poisoning for you and your family this Christmas Day by cooking your turkey thoroughly in an oven, instead of whacking it into the microwave for ten minutes like you usually do. Bring festive cheer to your street [...]
This year’s Christmas Number One is on with bookmakers to be crass, annoying and completely and utterly unbearable, it has been revealed. With X Factor winners Little Mix set to lead the race alongside a group of soldiers’ wives known as the Military Wives Choir, bookmaker William Hill has offered odds of 1/50 that the [...]
The last person in Britain to find out about Ryan Giggs’ affair with glamour model Imogen Thomas has reacted with shock and disappointment at the news, after the Premier League star’s superinjunction was lifted. The injunction was lifted by Mr Justice Eady at the High Court yesterday, prompting 38 year-old Emma Jenkinson from Derbyshire to [...]
The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh have been forced to spend next year’s Diamond Jubilee in the UK after holiday firm Thomas Cook announced a series of closures, it has been revealed. The firm, which the Queen has traditionally used to book all foreign trips, said yesterday that it would close 200 stores and axe [...]
Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in Switzerland who are attempting to find the elusive ‘God particle’ are making it up as they go along, and have no idea how any of the equipment works, it has emerged. Two independent teams of researchers working at the CERN physics research centre in Switzerland admitted yesterday [...]
David Cameron has defended his decision to imprison Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg in a secret underground dungeon after the Liberal Democrat leader was notable by his absence from the House of Commons yesterday. The PM was forced to make a statement to the House when it became clear that his deputy was not, in [...]