The Oracle Speaks
Archive for: January, 2012

Sky Sports furious as transfer deadline day ruined by football matches

Won't SOMEBODY think of Jim White?!!?

Officials at Sky Sports were left fuming last night after their coverage of football’s transfer deadline day was ruined by a series of football matches. Transfer deadline day has become synonymous in recent years for round-the-clock coverage on Sky Sports News of all the last minute deals. However, Sky’s officials were left seething after the [...]

Doctors warn of man flu epidemic as temperatures plummet

Bless

Medical experts have warned of a potentially deadly outbreak of man flu in the UK, after it was revealed that temperatures are likely to fall to -10C in some places this week. According to weather forecasters, a high pressure system hanging over Scandinavia and western Russia is set to push raw, easterly winds towards the [...]

Harry Redknapp denies two separate charges of looking like Bagpuss

Redknapp: denies the charges

Tottenham Hotspur football manager Harry Redknapp has denied two separate counts of looking like 1970s TV favourite Bagpuss, a London court has heard. Redknapp, 64, stood in the dock at the start of a criminal trial at Southwark Crown Court yesterday, in which he stands accused of looking exactly like the old, saggy cloth cat [...]

Voters totally digging evil, oppressive Tory reign of terror, suggests poll

Conservative HQ, last night

Voters are totally down with the Conservative Party’s evil, oppressive reign of terror thing, according to a new poll which suggests that the Tories have opened up a five-point lead over Labour. The YouGov survey for The Sunday Times published yesterday put the Tories on 41% compared with 36% for Labour. All this despite the [...]

Cruise ship captain also claims dog ate his homework

Schettino: "It was like that when I found it"

The captain of the stricken cruise ship Costa Concordia has told investigators that the boat was ‘like that when I found it’ and that his homework was eaten by his dog, in the latest of a number of wild and fanciful excuses, it has been revealed. Francesco Schettino, 52, denied all wrongdoing in relation to Friday [...]

How to do Everything: How to cope without Wikipedia for a day

How-to-do-everything

The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 47. How to cope without Wikipedia for a day Use your photographic memory to remember everything you’ve ever read on the subject you’d like to know more about. What do you mean, you don’t have a photographic memory? Well, that’s hardly our fault, is it? In ancient [...]

Disgraced ‘Downfall’ video MP has ‘Downfall’ video made about him

Possible cause of the destruction of society as we know it

A Labour MP who quit his party post after lampooning Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond in an online parody of the Nazi film Downfall has had a Downfall parody video made about him, it has been revealed. Tom Harris posted a clip of the German-language film on YouTube, altering the subtitles to mock Mr Salmond, [...]

Scientists establish link between things you enjoy and cancer

None of these people have a good prognosis

Scientists in Sweden have established a link between you doing anything remotely enjoyable and an increased risk of cancer, it has been revealed. The findings were announced following research by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, which had originally found a link between eating bacon and sausage and being diagnosed with the condition, before the [...]

Search Archive

Search by Date
Search by Category
Search with Google
Log in | Designed by Gabfire themes

Favicon Plugin created by Jake Ruston's Wordpress Plugins - Powered by Marc Jacobs Sunglasses and Kanye West.

UA-16477997-1