Prime Minister David Cameron has said that the British film industry should be offering ‘more commercial support’ support to films with car chases and aliens in them. His controversial comments came just days before the publication of Lord Smith’s review into the government’s film policy on Monday, and are thought to directly reflect the Prime [...]
In his first major speech of the year, Labour leader Ed Miliband has droned on and on for a seemingly interminable period of time, without saying anything of consequence at all, it has been revealed. Witnesses claimed that Mr Miliband, who had been expected to use the speech take on his critics and set out [...]
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted that he is ‘seriously considering’ making a posthumous bid for Gunners great Cliff Bastin, after another former player, Thierry Henry, scored on his return to the team last night. Bastin, who died in December 1991, is the club’s third highest goalscorer of all time, having registered 178 goals in [...]
Opinion from The Oracle Speaks By James Thorpe There are two reasons I decided to become a teacher. First and foremost, I was itching for the hollow sense of achievement that comes from making a series of sarcastic remarks to a child more than half my age. Secondly, and perhaps more relevantly to this, I [...]
The Oracle Speaks Presents HOW TO DO EVERYTHING 46. How to tell if you’re a mad racist For some reason, you find that you always prefer white Toblerone to the normal full chocolate version. You dress in a big white hooded cloak and carry around a burning torch at all times. Before you play chess [...]
Metropolitan Police Service officers and staff have been told to avoid doing anything even remotely fun or enjoyable by a report into relations between the police and media, it has been revealed. The report, which states that Met Police officers should avoid alcohol and flirtatious reporters, also strictly prohibits officers from laughing, smiling, eating cream [...]
A decomposing body found by a man walking his dog on the Sandringham Estate in Norfolk on New Year’s day is ‘definitely not’ Prince Philip, police have insisted. The skeletal remains were found in woodland just a mile from the country retreat where the Queen is staying, causing some to question whether the remains found [...]
British workers up and down the country are coming to terms with the fact that the mind-numbing tedium they have endured throughout the Christmas period has today been replaced by the crushing monotony of having to return to their places of work, it has emerged. Hundreds of thousands of British people have woken up this [...]