The Oracle Speaks
Category archives for: Sport

‘Oh, crap, he’s going to be England manager now, isn’t he?’ says Redknapp jury

He's definitely going to get the job now, isn't he?

The jury responsible for unanimously clearing Harry Redknapp of all tax evasion charges was last night coming to terms with the fact that the Tottenham boss will now almost certainly go on to be the next England manager. The full extent of the jury’s gross error of judgement became clear to them last night shortly [...]

Sky Sports furious as transfer deadline day ruined by football matches

Won't SOMEBODY think of Jim White?!!?

Officials at Sky Sports were left fuming last night after their coverage of football’s transfer deadline day was ruined by a series of football matches. Transfer deadline day has become synonymous in recent years for round-the-clock coverage on Sky Sports News of all the last minute deals. However, Sky’s officials were left seething after the [...]

Harry Redknapp denies two separate charges of looking like Bagpuss

Redknapp: denies the charges

Tottenham Hotspur football manager Harry Redknapp has denied two separate counts of looking like 1970s TV favourite Bagpuss, a London court has heard. Redknapp, 64, stood in the dock at the start of a criminal trial at Southwark Crown Court yesterday, in which he stands accused of looking exactly like the old, saggy cloth cat [...]

Wenger ‘seriously considering’ bid for Cliff Bastin

If he can do it...

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted that he is ‘seriously considering’ making a posthumous bid for Gunners great Cliff Bastin, after another former player, Thierry Henry, scored on his return to the team last night. Bastin, who died in December 1991, is the club’s third highest goalscorer of all time, having registered 178 goals in [...]

John Terry to take slow, ponderous defence from pitch to courtroom

John Terry, crying like a little girl

Chelsea and England captain John Terry will take his unique brand of slow, ponderous defence from the football pitch to the courtroom in the new year after the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decided to prosecute the footballer. Terry, 31, will face charges over allegations that he racially abused another player and will appear in court [...]

‘Misunderstanding’ as Blatter confuses racism in football with Tooth Fairy

Misunderstood

Fifa president Sepp Blatter has apologised for a ‘misunderstanding’ in which he confused the thorny subject of racism in football with the Tooth Fairy. In an interview earlier this week Mr Blatter denied that there was any racism in the sport, a sentiment he was quick to deny in a statement on Fifa’s website yesterday. [...]

Pot set to captain England after calling kettle ‘black’

The new England captain, earlier

A piece of kitchenware accused of making a racist remark has been surprisingly called up to the England squad and made captain. The pot, which is made from stainless steel and lined with Teflon, was recently accused of calling a kettle ‘black’ after footage emerged on YouTube of the alleged offence. Nonetheless, the FA confirmed [...]

Steven Gerrard voted world’s Most Fragile Sportsperson 2011

The World's Most Fragile Sportsperson 2011

by Jack Costley Liverpool and England midfielder Steven Gerrard was today announced as the world’s Most Fragile Sportsperson for 2011. The Liverpool captain beat out a weak, injury prone field which included Darren Adley the haemophilic boxer and three horses which were put down after this year’s Grand National. Judges unanimously agreed that Gerrard deserved [...]

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