How to do Everything: How to lose your knighthood
The Oracle Speaks Presents
HOW TO DO EVERYTHING
48. How to lose your knighthood
- Turn up at the gates of Buckingham Palace, ask for ‘Queenie’ then pull down your trousers and moon her until the police arrive. The rest should take care of itself.
- Take your knighthood on a long drive to some secluded woodland, then let it out of the car and say: ‘run along boy, you’re free!’ before driving off.
- Bet your knighthood on something highly improbable, such as Liverpool going through an entire week without getting embroiled in a racist incident.
- Go to an area with a high crime rate, leave your knighthood on a table, then turn around and declare: ‘I’ll just leave my knighthood here on this table. I do hope nobody steals it’.
- Forget the last place you left it.
- Incite a prominent campaign to have your knighthood removed by openly stating that you think the Daily Mail is an excellent newspaper with some well thought out opinions.
- Leave it on the bus.
- Complain to the Queen that you want a big round table, like knights of yesteryear.
- Take it to a crowded shopping centre, and run off.
- Preside over an ailing financial institution and take a big fat pension as a reward.
