News of the W…sorry…Sun on Sunday to launch next week

News International’s chief executive, Tom Mockridge has revealed that after months of speculation, The News of the W…sorry…The Sun on Sunday will be launched next weekend.

In an email that acknowledged the parent company’s past wrongdoing but also struck a defiant tone, Mockridge announced that the newspaper will finally hit the shelves next week. The Sunday tabloid will be the successor to the defunct Sun on S…sorry, this is all very confusing…News of the World, which was closed down last July following revelations of phone hacking at the tabloid.

“The News of the W…sorry…Sunday Sun will launch within the next few days,” said Mockridge. “However, I’d like to address some ridiculous accusations that this new edition is simply a re-badged version of its predecessor.

“I mean, sure, it’ll still have the same strong focus on investigative journalism, celebrity gossip and up-to-the-minute sports news, and will be pulled together by virtually the exact same people in the exact same place, but the point is that The News of the W…sorry…The Sun on Sunday is going to be an entirely original newspaper. Oh yes.

“This is our moment,” Mockridge added, in the style of Martine McCutcheon. “I am sure every one of us will seize the opportunity to pull together and deliver a great new dawn for The News of the W…DAMMIT…Sun on Sunday.”

Meanwhile, ruthless overlord Rupert Murdoch, who told staff at The Sun‘s Wapping headquarters on Friday about the launch, explained that the launch was a good thing.

“At last we will reveal ourselves. At last, we will have revenge,” said Murdoch underneath a black, hooded gown, as Dominic Mohan wheezed asthmatically at his side.

“Everything is happening as I have foreseen. Soon we will crush the rebellion against News International in one swift stroke. Use your anger. Let your hate consume you. Buy The News of the W…I mean, The Sunday Sun, and your journey to the dark side will be complete! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”