Meet the team
The Oracle Speaks has a dedicated team of writers who are committed to providing only the finest satirical news stories, using premium-quality jokes, freshly crafted on the morning of publication. Here’s what makes them tick:
Jon Brigden
By day, Jon works as a mild-mannered Public Relations Consultant at a Communications agency based in South West London. By night, he is usually too tired and lazy to do very much more than watch the TV, drink himself into a stupor and think of unfunny news stories to write. Jon is the Editor, owner and founder of The Oracle Speaks, which means he’ll be the one everyone blames when the sh*t eventually hits the fan and the site gets its first lawsuit. Jon’s favourite colour is either red or blue. He can’t decide.
Caroline Gilmour
Caroline achieved fame and fortune in the late 1990s after a two-month run of her one-woman variety show on Broadway was received to a dazzling array of critical acclaim. Years later, Caroline has now recovered from the trauma of blowing her entire wealth on a succession of cheap men and even cheaper booze, and can currently be found trying to recapture her past glories as a freelance copywriter. Caroline was the 2007 Copywriter of the Year, the runner-up in 2008 and 2009, and has high hopes for this year’s gala ceremony. Her favourite colour is purple.
Marilyn Mead
Marilyn grew up in Southern California, and as a fully-fledged American, finds it difficult to spell properly and use the Queen’s English. She moved to New York City in the hope of becoming a hipster, although thankfully, for all concerned that did not pan out. Today, Marilyn is a writer living in Chelsea, New York City. Her favorite (sic) song is Dead Flowers by the Rolling Stones. When Marilyn grows up, she wants to be Keith Richards. After a long-time love affair with Dark Byzantium, Marilyn recently decided her favorite (sic) color (sic) is actually green.
James Thorpe
James makes his money teaching Maths. Although he likes to tell people that he teaches disadvantaged children, James is careful not to let on that the only reason the children are disadvantaged is that he teaches them. James’s claim to fame is that he was born in the same hospital as Blackburn stopper Paul Robinson who, coincidentally, has the same name as his favourite character from Neighbours. Most importantly, his favourite colour is also green.
Padraig Stapleton
Raised by wild bears in the middle of the Irish rain forest, Paddy had a troubled childhood, which culminated in him going on a terrifying rampage in downtown Dublin, before eventually succumbing to a SWAT team armed with tranquiliser darts. In the years that followed, Paddy began the slow process of learning to read, write and speak like a human, and touched the hearts of the nation with his appearance in the Channel 4 Cutting Edge documentary, The Boy Who Lived With Bears. Today, Paddy puts his new skills to use as a freelance web designer extraordinaire, although he still finds time to indulge in his favourite pastime of eating honey, crapping in the woods and raiding pic-er-nic baskets. Paddy’s favourite colour is magenta.
Andy Bairsto
Quite honestly, The Oracle Speaks is the only thing that motivates Andy these days. If it wasn’t for the acute sense of smug satisfaction that he gets from seeing his made up news go online then his life would have slipped into a decay of bitterness, regret and cheap, fizzy bitter, leaving nothing but a nasty bitter taste in his mouth. As you can see, Andy also likes to over-dramatise everything much to the annoyance of his lovely wife and family. Speaking of drama, keep your eyes open and ears peeled for his frequent appearances on stage at a theatre near you. Well, we say theatre, it’s a hall, and it’s only in Mid Sussex, but when he goes bounding up to collect an Oscar in the coming years, you won’t be laughing will you? WILL YOU? Incidentally, Andy’s favourite colour is grey, to match his mood.
